


Anxiety? Oh My Goodness, I’m So Happy To See You!

by natigail



Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders - Freeform, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders - Freeform, Dialogue taken from ACCEPTING ANXIETY Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Introspection, Logic | Logan Sanders - Freeform, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders - Freeform, Sanders Sides (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Doubt, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 01:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12520196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Thomas had the ability to materialize aspects of his personality, which was a rare gift indeed. Over the past months, Anxiety joined in with the debate of the three others - Logan, Patton and Roman - but he was beginning to question whether he wasn't doing more harm than good and if it wouldn't be better if he just disappeared.Anxiety retreats to the darkest place in Thomas's mind to disappear but when Thomas and the Sides appear in his room, he feels the pull to go to them. He knows he should just stay put and not engage because they're better off without him but the actually came looking for him...**All dialogue is from the Sanders Sides video called ACCPETING ANXIETY, Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good? -watch it here**





	Anxiety? Oh My Goodness, I’m So Happy To See You!

It felt like it had been a long time coming. It had been more than ten videos now and Anxiety felt the impact of materializing that often. He felt less and less like a trait and more and more like a person.

He didn’t want to be a person. He didn’t want to experience the anxiety build up in his chest and threaten to make him crumble but that was what was happening. He was starting to feel all the horribleness he often pushed onto Thomas on his own body.

It made him feel so, so guilty. He was ruining Thomas life. He was inhibiting him from following his dreams and everything would have been better if he’d never been allowed to have such a strong presence within Thomas.

It was beyond intimidating to be out with the other three sides and see their smiles and enthusiasm and pure love for Thomas.

Logan was practical in the way he showed his love but he always used his head to figure out what was bothering Thomas and come up with a solution of how to get rid of it. They had seen eye-to-eye more after their debate and Anxiety had even started to believe that maybe they could stay on good terms. He was learning how to manage himself better when Logan was helping. However, that hope felt quashed when he knew that one day Logan would turn his analytical eye on Anxiety and figure out a way to make him disappear. Anxiety was a problem attacking Thomas and sooner or later Logan would find a genius way to delete his existence. Anxiety wasn’t sure that it could be done but if anyone could do it, then it would be Logan and his clever brain.

Patton was very obvious in the way he loved Thomas. He was willing to fight anyone who would harm Thomas in any way. He was extremely protective and Anxiety felt odd that he’d been on the receiving end of that protectiveness a few times now. Patton seemed adamant that Anxiety was someone to be protected, just like he thought about Thomas. Anxiety knew that it wouldn’t stay true, no matter how much he wanted it to. At some point, it would come down to protecting and defending Thomas or Anxiety and Patton wouldn’t even hesitate to jump out to protect his human. Anxiety wouldn’t blame him. Thomas was much more important than he was.

Roman was slightly harder to figure out but you could still see the love behind his every action. He was always spurting out ideas and keeping Thomas’ mind buzzing to keep him happy and working. He indulged himself fully in all of Thomas’ obsessions, including Disney, and like the other two he was always looking out for Thomas’ wellbeing. He had never liked Anxiety and he had been very vocal about his dislike. Anxiety actually didn’t mind the silly nicknames, he could counter with better ones but it wasn’t _just_ friendly teasing. Roman wanted Anxiety out of the picture for Thomas to have a happier and more carefree life. And Anxiety found it difficult to disagree. Where Roman brought up hope and exciting ideas, Anxiety just brought dread and unnecessary worries.

He’d thought that he might be able to work on it. Thomas was working through issues with them on a regular basis now and he had felt like he was getting better but he would never be able to be like the other sides. He still felt like the odd man out. He still felt like it was a mistake that anxiety had become a big enough trait within Thomas to manifest itself. He had tried to figure out what he could do make it easier for everyone.

It had seemed obvious when he had thought of it.

Logic would eventually find a way to combat him, Morality would be ready to fight him if it came down to it and Creativity would stop being inhibited by him.

He needed to disappear. And so he did.

He retreated to the darkest corner of Thomas’ mind, further than even his room. His room was already in the dark corner but there was a beyond. Someplace that didn’t even have the physical manifestation of wherever Thomas currently was.

It was a place of pure darkness. If Anxiety stayed in his room, he would eventually feel one of the sides call for him and try to summon him to join in with their little debates. It felt hopeless to join. He would always just be Anxiety and Thomas was better off without him.

So he blinked out of his room and into the darkness. It was chilly and he pulled the jacket closer around him. This was the place where things went to be locked away and not be heard from again.

Over time, he might be able to join all those other repressed thoughts. Maybe the others would forget he existed.

He didn’t like leaving Thomas. He had been tasked with protecting him, from the world and from himself but he had been doing a shitty job of it. That didn’t mean that it didn’t feel wrong to pull away and give up the reins.

He knew the others and they would take care of Thomas. Despite trying his hardest not to let it happen, they had all gotten under his skin. He had started to be able to see things from their point of view and perhaps that was how he had realized how destructive he was. He was a monster of a trait, something that should never have been allowed to be a proper side of Thomas’ personality.

Everything would be better if he just disappeared.

Logan, Patton and Roman would look after Thomas. Thomas didn’t need him and now he would finally be free of all the anxious thoughts.

***

It starts with a slight pull. It jerks him awake from the restless slumber he forced himself into. His limbs feel stiff and cold here in the darkness of repressed memories. He shouldn’t be able to feel the pull of the others or Thomas here.

It shouldn’t be possible but he feels them.

All of them.

They must be somewhere close for him to even be able to sense them.

Something is wrong, he reasons, and slowly gets up from his fetus position on the cold hard floor.

Thomas is the easiest for him to feel. He is Thomas’ creation after all, even if Thomas hadn’t brought him into the world on purpose. Anxiety is sure that he would undo it if he could. Yet, he feel the call, not anxiousness building inside of Thomas like usually when he’s called upon, but rather a deep urge within him to go and protect the human he has tried to abandon.

He is supposed to protect Thomas and he’s being a coward and hiding.

He tries to reason that it’s for the greater good and that the others are clever, kind and passionate and that they will look after him.

His muscles tense when he realizes where they must be. They have gone to his room or he wouldn’t be able to even sense them from this dark place.

A tiny hope sparks in his chest. They have come looking for him? Why would they do that? They all either hate him or will when they realize how he hurts Thomas by merely existing.

Curiosity gets the better of him and he transports to his room.

“What are you all doing in my room!” he exclaims when he appears. His words come out harsh and with malice.

They all scream as he appears without warning. The most noticeably reaction is Roman’s rather girly screech.

It would be so much easier if they had just stayed out in the real world where they couldn’t get to him. They even made Thomas come into his own mind and Anxiety has an unsettling feeling in his stomach that tells him that this won’t end well.

“I think one of them moved!” Patton shouts and cautiously eyes the spider pattern on his curtains, as he scoots forward slightly. Anxiety’s heart aches to see the loving father figure of a side to be in any form of distress and he considers making the curtains disappear.

But that would show how deeply he cares and he can’t show weakness. Not now. Not when they’ve come to confront him. Besides, it is just curtains and they won’t hurt Patton, even if he acts like the drawings might jump off the fabric and attack him.

“Anxiety? Oh my goodness, I’m so happy to see you. That’s weird,” Thomas says and sounds genuinely and pleasantly surprised. Anxiety furrows his brows because that is certainly a new tone. Usually, Thomas rolls his eyes and accepts that Anxiety is there, part of the foursome of sides, but he’s never acted pleased to see him.

“You literally all just screamed in unison upon seeing me,” he argues and centers himself. He can’t show weakness. He can’t change the curtains for Patton’s comfort or let Thomas’ positive reaction make him happy. He had mentally said his goodbyes to everyone and he was prepared to never see them again. It hurts to have them here now and he feels even guiltier for not saying goodbye.

“Sorry, you do this thing where you just sort of appear,” Logan explains and the endearing mimic that companies his words almost make Anxiety smile. He hasn’t been gone for long and yet he already misses all of them.

“What am I wearing? What is my hair?” Thomas says panicked and Anxiety takes in his appearance as well. He looks horrible and out of it. He looks like he might after a severe dose of anxiety.

He doesn’t look well looked after at all. Why didn’t the others step in to help him?

“Welcome back, Thomas!” Roman says, grinning widely while he tosses Thomas a hairbrush. Roman’s beauty and positive air for the briefest of moments startles Anxiety. The creative side always did get under Anxiety’s skin in an odd way.

“Thanks, Roman,” Thomas says and tosses the brush back to Roman after his hair doesn’t look like a bird’s nest anymore.

Roman tries to catch the brush but the throw is too low and it hits him on the shin and he mutters his annoyance. “Ouch, come on.”

“Anxiety, you don’t understand. For some reason, I wasn’t feeling your presence at all,” Thomas says and there’s a desperation in his voice and in his eyes as all his focus falls on Anxiety. He didn’t want to have this confrontation with Thomas. He just wanted to disappear without a fuss and they all had to come here and ruin his plans.

“Yeah, I know,” he says. “It’s ‘cause I’ve decided to duck out.”

“Quack,” Patton contributes.

“Duck out?” Thomas asks, confused.

“Quack, quack,” Patton repeats and he doesn’t look like he understands the severity of Anxiety’s confession. Anxiety almost doesn’t want him too. He looks happier doing duck noises.

“That’s a thing you can do?” Roman questions and there’s a slight waver of uncertainty in his voice. He wouldn’t be worried for him, would he?

“For this video, I guess,” Logan supplies, already looking at Anxiety with those calculating eyes while trying to figure out what is going on.

Anxiety wants to snap that it isn’t just for this one video. It’s permanent. Thomas is better off without him and they should all just leave and go back to their happy and jolly life without him.

“What do you mean?” Thomas presses.

“I removed myself from the equation. I quit. Decided it wasn’t worth it anymore,” Anxiety says, jaw tight and his entire body tense.

It isn’t worth it anymore. He is not worth it. He shouldn’t have a physical body. He shouldn’t feel like a person. He shouldn’t be here with all the other sides, which are so much better than him.

“Why would you do that?” Thomas asks and there’s tenderness in Thomas’ voice. Of course he has to care. Thomas is compassionate, on account of Roman and Patton, and it’s one of the reasons that Anxiety wanted to protect him. Thomas would get himself into trouble if he didn’t have anyone to look out for him. But Thomas doesn’t want him around and feeling unwanted is terribly crippling.

“It didn’t seem like I was wanted. You all made that pretty clear every time I showed up,” he says, eyes flicking over the rest of the sides and Thomas.

“Wha-“ Patton starts to say but Anxiety knows he has to remedy his statement. What he said really isn’t fair to Patton.

“Except you, Patton. You’re a funny guy.”

“I love my dark, strange son,” Patton says while smiling so lovingly and it hurts like a punch in the gut.

Love. Son.

It doesn’t make any sense, of course. Anxiety is not his son but over the past months he had started to feel like a paternal figure who he could seek comfort from. But Patton says he loves things all the time. People and things. He doesn’t discriminate. Anxiety shouldn’t feel special.

Roman looks offended at Anxiety’s statement.

“Well, surely you knew we were just preparing ourselves for the worst pos-“ Roman starts but cuts himself off and tries to start again. “Okay, ah… Maybe I could rephrase that.”

Anxiety is pretty sure Roman is getting his point across just fine. They prepare themselves for the bad things that follow Anxiey when he shows up. It just further shows how stepping back in the right decision.

“We were just tensing up because we knew something bad would-“ Roman tries again but he’s not doing much better if he wanted to be positive. Even when he’s trying his hardest to say something nice about Anxiety, he can’t. Anxiety prays for it not to hurt but it does. It cuts deep with in him and mixes with the frustration already building in his chest.

“Ah, look… you’re never really fun,” Roman says and Anxiety doesn’t argue or pull a disgruntled face this time. Roman is right. He isn’t fun. He is very anti-fun. He wouldn’t want himself around either, if he had a choice.

“Roman, shut up,” Thomas steps up to defend him and again that takes Anxiety by surprise. Why would Thomas protect all the bad things that Anxiety represents within his being?

“Look, I am the creative side, not the fluffy, cutesy, kind, wordsy side so…” Roman says and does a weird hand gesture that looks just slightly off. In fact, Roman seems off in general as well.

“One would think the creative side would be able to come up with a better way to talk to others,” Logan argues and there’s a cold bite in his voice. Logan might appear rather cold and calculating normally but that sounds outright hostile, which isn’t like Logan at all.

“You would think that the smart side would know when to mind his own business!” Roman sneers and Anxiety wonders if they would be physically at each other’s throats if not for Thomas’ presence.

It’s him. Surely, he’s the one rubbing off on all of them. He needs to send them packing back to the real world, so he can go back to disappearing in the darkness.

“Okay, it’s sweet that you all decide to come for a visit but if I wanted to stand around and become insulted, I would have shown up in person like I usually do,” he says and his guard is back in place. Insults don’t hurt as much when you’re prepared to reflect them. He’s had a lot of practice with Roman and he need to summon his strength for this.

“Aw, your poor little anxious baby,” Patton coos and looks genuinely upset.

Roman should never look that upset. It’s a horrible look on him. He should be grinning and making jokes, not looking ready to cry.

“Let’s just face facts. You’re better off without me,” he says coldly.

“No. No, no! That is where you’re wrong!” Thomas argues with so much emphasis that Anxiety almost feels floored. But no, Thomas is wrong. He _is_ better off without him.

“Very much so,” Logan says to agree with Thomas. “I don’t think any of us comprehended how much you factored into Thomas’ decision making.”

“Yeah!” Thomas shouts, seemingly happy that Logan can put what he’s thinking into coherent words.

“I mean without you, he was acting like a big bumbly couch potato mash,” Logan continues and it surprises Anxiety. Surely, Thomas would be much better off without the anxiousness that sometimes confines him to his bed or couch. He should have been leaping around and doing all the things he’d been anxious off before.

“That… there’s probably a nicer way to say that,” Thomas says and looks slightly offended.

“Just an unfiltered - I’m just going to come out and say it: A cotton headed ninny muggin,” Logan continuous, seemingly unable to filter himself. He talks a lot in most circumstances but this is out of character for him as well. What the hell is going on with everyone?

“That’s enough out of you, _Logic_ ,” Thomas says and Anxiety feels the sense of control that Thomas is emitting with his speech. He doesn’t do it often but he can make them bend to his will.

“See? He’s reining me in right now, because of you,” Logan says and there’s gratitude in his voice as if he’s being happy to be cut off for once in his life. Anxiety isn’t sure he’s the one making Thomas rein Logan in. Surely, Thomas is doing that all on his own.

“You do talk too much sometimes,” Anxiety confesses.

“I never thought I’d appreciate you saying that,” Logan responds and that’s certainly a new tone from Thomas’ logical side.

“We’ve already learnt that Thomas listening to me too much can be a problem,” Patton says. “Same with Roman. Probably even Logan.”

“Easy,” Logan warns Patton but the tone is much less cold than the one he used to counter Roman. Whether Logan admits it or not, Anxiety is able to see that he was a very soft spot for the moral side.

“Now, while I still have your attention, do you think maybe we could switch places?” Patton says, seemingly still unsettled by the curtains. Anxiety almost snaps his fingers to change them but what would be the point?

They shouldn’t stay here. They need to get going. They need to get back, so he opens his mouth to try and reason with them once more as to why he shouldn’t be a part of the group anymore. It really isn’t fair that they make him say it out loud. The thoughts hurt inside of his skull but he knows they will burn worse when they leave his lips.

“Okay, I can’t say it isn’t nice to hear you all groveling,” he confesses and in fact it much more than nice, it’s heartwarming and just what he needed after the coldness of the darkness that marked his being before he showed up. “But I actually think you were right to not want me around. I’ve always aimed to protect you but lately, it feels like I’ve been keeping you from doing anything.”

He’s failed Thomas and admitting it stings in his throat. He never wanted to hurt Thomas and he has always hated himself when his anxious feelings have done that. He would do anything to protect Thomas but removing himself seems like the best way to do that.

“If your only goal is to protect, why do you act like the embodiment of a dark and stormy night all the time?” Roman questions and he sounds seriously pissed off.

“Roman…” Thomas warns.

The words still hurt. Not because they’re incorrect but because Roman _still_ haven’t figured it out after all this time. He hasn’t figured out that it’s a way to protect himself.

“What? He’s a creepy cookie. You’re a creepy cookie, Anxiety,” Roman declares and he seems frazzled and out of it.

“Roman!” Thomas scolds.

“You’re like an oatmeal raisin cookie that’s primarily composed of raisins. A raisin oatmeal cookie. No one wants that!”

Roman is right. No one wants him here. He is the cookie no one would touch. It was the whole reason that he stepped away in the first place. None of these thoughts are new to him. He’s felt this way for sometime but it hurts to have someone else say it, especially when that someone is Roman, who Anxiety has come to care for more than he would admit.

“Pump the breaks, Princey.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You pump those breaks!” Thomas insists.

“I’m sorry. I’m feeling a little extra… passionate,” Roman says and it’s clearly not the word he was looking for. He is normally passionate but this is something new. He seems anxious?

“When did you apply eye shadow?” Patton asks and Anxiety notice the dark marks under Roman’s eyes. In fact, all the other three sides have seemingly gotten eye shadow under their eyes now.

“I didn’t but does it look okay? Because a prince has got to slay,” Roman says and Anxiety wonders if he is normal after all.

“Of course, it looks good. Why would you think it didn’t? Do you have self-esteem issues? Am I asking too many questions?” Patton rambles and that not normal either. He gets overly wordy when he’s emotions are running high but Thomas seems relatively stable.

“Putting on a dark persona is the best way to get anyone’s guard up,” Anxiety explains and he feels a little of his amour fall away at the confession. He doesn’t like talking about it. “But all this reflecting and working on your issues with us has gotten me to think that I over-do it.”

“You could never overdo it!” Patton exclaims insistently and it’s nice to feel Patton’s protectiveness extend to him, for a final time.

“Well…” Thomas interjects and the warm feeling leaves Anxiety instantly. Patton is just being overly kind and Thomas disagreeing with him proves that.

“You are perfect and special just the way and I don’t care how dark your clothes are. You shine bright… _like a diamond_.” Patton sings the last part and while bursting out into song wouldn’t normally be cause for alarm, his voice seems unstable.

“You okay, Patton?” Thomas asks, so clearly Anxiety isn’t the only one who’s starting to get worried. However, it might just be Anxiety’s worries rubbing off on Thomas. He tries to keep himself in check.

“I just have a lot of feelings,” Patton explains and looks on the verge of tears again.

“Hey Patton, eye shadow buddies,” Roman says and seems very happy about the development.

“We are buddies,” Patton says earnestly.

Something is definitely not right.

“Look, Anxiety, you’re a natural fight or flight reflex. That’s what you’re instilled in humans to act as. And for some people, yes, you’re a little heightened,” Logan says. “But what’s a little extra height? That just means that you’re tall enough to ride the on Disney World. Unless you’re too tall and you get decapitated on It’s A Small World. Whoa, sorry for that little tangent. I am reeling right now. The point is too much of anything is counterproductive.”

Logan is talking so fast that it difficult to keep up.

“Well yeah, but for me…” Anxiety tries to explain just to be cut off by a very focused-looking Logan.

“Hold on! Yes, I’m about to provide more exposition, Thomas. Just bear with me.”

“Okay?” Thomas says, slightly worry in his voice.

“The relationship between anxiety and performance can be expressed on this curve, known as the Yerkes-Dodson curve. It’s named after the psychologists R.M. Yerkes and J.D. Dodson,” Logan starts and Anxiety looks at the curve, which the logical side made materialize, with interest. Logan always did help him understand what was going on better.

“Get on with it, calculator-watch!” Roman shouts, which makes Patton jump.

“Ah, loud noises.”

“Okay, up here is where you want to be. The optimum degree of tension,” Logan explains and circles the top of the curve in the middle. “Yes! Too much anxiety pushes you to this side of the curve and performance is hindered, which isn’t ideal. But! Without you at all, Thomas is not just on this more relaxed, laid-back side of the curve, which is also not ideal when you’re trying to get things done; he’s all the way down here.”

It makes sense from a theoretical standpoint but Anxiety can see a flaw in Logan’s logic or perhaps just an oversight made of some sort of past loyalty.

“By the horn of a unicorn, that was going somewhere! I would normally have fallen asleep but I’m not feeling like my fabulous self right now. I’m bittery jittery and not very glittery,” Roman exclaims and he vibrating slightly. He looks like he might bolt out the door any moment, if that was an option.

“But with me aren’t you just always on the other side of that curve thing?” Anxiety asks, somewhat timidly. He doesn’t want that to be the case but he _is_ the embodiment of anxiety.

“Yerkes-Dodson curve!” Logan shouts and it’s seems wrong for him to raise his voice. He never resorts to shouting to get his point across. In fact, he detests those who cannot present their arguments with an even voice.

“Yeah, that,” he confirms, even if he couldn’t give a flying hoot what the curve is called. Logan obviously does.

“There’s ways that I can work on that, Anxiety. But I would rather work on it _with_ you than without you at all,” Thomas says and there’s that hopeful feeling again.

But it’s a dream and a fantasy and he’s not the dreamer of the group.

“How?” he asks anyway because he wants to believe that it’s possible. He doesn’t want to go back to the darkness and try and disappear.

“I just need to make you feel listened to. You’re like a really important alarm clock. Sure, the noise can be sudden, a little unpleasant sometimes, but it’s important for me to recognize the concern, register it and carry on changing my actions, if necessary,” Thomas explains and Anxiety has never thought about it like that before.

“You’re what made Thomas double and triple check things he needed to study before taking tests,” Logan contributes.

“Also you left him feeling tingly after achieving things he didn’t think would be possible!” Patton shouts, startling Logan.

“E equals McScared!”

“Sorry, was that too loud?” Patton apologizes. “I was worried I wouldn’t get another chance to speak and I wanted to share my thoughts before I forgot it.”

“Anxiety, in small doses you’re what pushes me to get out of bed, to get moving and doing stuff. I’m lucky to have you the way that I do,” Thomas says and Anxiety doesn’t detect any lying in his voice. Thomas genuinely means it.

But it can’t be real. He’s a nuisance. He’s a problem. He’s unwanted.

“Some people have anxiety that’s heightened to the point where it becomes an incredibly difficult and hindering condition whether it’s the symptom of a different issue or an anxiety disorder or the unfortunate result as something someone may be going through,” Logan explains, always the voice of reason.

“I don’t want to downplay any of that. But I think that maybe I could benefit from trying to understand you better,” Thomas says.

“I mean it’s cool to see you all trying to be helpful,” Anxiety admits before interjecting, “well, most of you, but…”

“Anxiety,” Roman calls for his attention and he’s surprised by the softness in the creative side’s voice. “You’re what pushes Thomas to rehearse and rehearse before performances. You’re that nervousness he feels right before going on stage but just as he does so, you ease up and you let his excitement and passion for performance take over.”

Roman has never ever talked to him like that and he feels like the ground beneath his feet has shifted. It can’t be real. Roman hates him. He’s been very clear about his dislike from the very beginning.

“I think that’s a good a sign as any that you’re willing to work as a team and that you make us… better,” Roman finishes and there’s tenderness in his eyes that make Anxiety feel like he truly cares. “Was that good? Did I do good?” he suddenly shouts, completely shifting gears.

“I’m going to cry! I don’t want to lose any of you,” Patton confesses and tears might be welling up behind his glasses.

“Yerkes-Dodson!” Logan exclaims and circles the side with high anxiety. Anxiety’s eyes follow his hand movements and he gets what the logical side is trying to tell him, or all of them really.

The sides really shouldn’t have come in here. Suddenly, the magical transfer of his eye shadow makes sense.

“Oh no,” he whispers.

“What the heck is going on?” Thomas demands to know.

“These guys have all been in this corner of your mind for too long. It’s corrupting them. All their main functions are starting to work to drive you far over on the other end of that curve,” Anxiety answers and his voice sounds corrupted.

“What?!”

“Hang on; we’re getting them out of here,” Anxiety says with a new sense of calmness. He knows how to do this. With all the sides experiencing anxiety, it will only be a matter of moments before they send Thomas flying into a panic attack. Anxiety won’t let that happen. Not on his watch.

“Thomas, remember what you’ve learnt. Breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, now breathe out for eight seconds,” Anxiety coaches, as the other sides dip down, out of his room. “Keep it up, Thomas. That’s good.”

Anxiety blinks back into existence in the living room as does the other four. He can’t believe they came all that way to look for him.

“That was a really risky thing you guys did,” he says.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure if you’d been with us at the start you’d have stopped us from doing that in the first place,” Thomas says and there’s a knowing smile on his lips. He isn’t saying it directly but he’s saying how Anxiety’s presence would have helped. He doesn’t want him to disappear.

“Being anxious about the idea of growing more anxious? Yeah, that sounds like me,” Anxiety says and there’s almost a chuckle in his voice. It’s almost too ridiculous.

“You… rescued me?” Roman says and he sounds genuinely baffled.

He’s the one that goes off saving people. It’s practically in his job description but he was the one that needed saving this time. Anxiety doesn’t let the awe in Roman’s voice matter. It can’t. He can’t let his mind go down that path.

“Yeah well, fight or flight am I right?” he excuses and looks away as he scratches his head.

“Incredibly right. You like you keep Thomas away from potentially dangerous situations, you also help him escape the ones he manages to get himself into,” Logan confirms.

“I am incredibly proud of you, Anxiety,” Patton says.

It’s getting too emotional and fluffy for Anxiety’s tastes and he tries and fails to put back his nonchalant attitude.

“Pfft, whatever,” he shrugs but it’s half-hearted and he’s sure the other sides can see how he does care as he fails to pull his amour back up.

“But I’m more proud of myself for surviving The Great Spider Threat of 2017,” Patton says and Anxiety might crack a little smile at that, even if he makes sure that no one sees.

“They were just curtains, Patton,” Logan argues.

“You all went through that for me,” Anxiety says because he has to say it out loud, just once. They came to get him when he was content to stay in hopelessness forever. He had figured they would notice his absence but instead of cherishing it, like he thought they would, they came looking for him to bring him back.

“Ah, don’t sweat it, Brad Pitiful. It was no big deal,” Roman jokes. Anxiety is secretly pretty sure all those silly nicknames mean something, even if he isn’t sure what yet.

“It was worth it to regain my good old worrywart,” Thomas says while smiling.

“That’s right and just like you saved us, it’s the vigilant people that work the hardest to save the world. Sometimes, it’s better for a society to be anxious than complacent,” Logan says and one word catches Anxiety’s attention.

No, he couldn’t. They have all been asking for it but he couldn’t. It’s too much. Right? Instead, he says something different.

“Another thing: I lower all expectations for social gatherings so if you do actually go out, anything remotely good will be pleasantly surprising.”

As expected that get a very positive reaction out of all of them.

“Not so bad,” he tacks on.

“Party on, my dude,” Patton says.

“I’m glad to have you back, Anxiety, and I promise to make you feel listened to and strive for a better balance from hereon out,” Thomas says and then switches to the voice he uses to address his audience. “And to all you out there…”

“Wait. Oh, boy, I’m actually considering it,” Anxiety interrupts.

It shouldn’t be such a big deal but it feels like it. It feels very massive. Everyone else has told theirs and Thomas had been asking for it before. It was the least he could do after they all came to get him.

“What? What?” Thomas asks.

“You’ve kind of made me want to open up to you but big surprise I’m feeling a little anxious about it,” Anxiety confesses.

“Anxious? Like your name?” Patton asks, not knowing how close to the mark he is.

“Yeah, yes. That was… You’re great, Patton,” he says. “But actually on the subject of my name…”

Roman gasps surprised. “Shut up.”

“No, that’s okay, no pressure. If you don’t want-” Logan starts to say only to be interrupted by Patton.

“Logan, shut your ever flapping gob talker.”

“No pranks or misleading?” Thomas asks.

“Not this time. Argh, why did we have to have a heartfelt moment?” Anxiety complains.

“It’s completely fine. This is a very accepting environment but I have to tell you that I’ve been theorizing on it for a very long time so if it isn’t exactly the name I think it is, I will lose it,” Patton assures him. Despite his words, Anxiety knows Patton would never have a bad reaction. He’d too kind for that.

“Okay, promise you won’t laugh though?” Anxiety asks for reassurance.

“Of course,” Thomas promises.

“My name…” Anxiety hesitates but then decides to just go for it, “my name is Virgil. Gosh, it’s like a Band-Aid, you’ve just got to rip it off.”

“Virgil?” Logan questions.

Roman chokes on his laughter.

“Oh, but that doesn’t end with an –an or an –on,” Patton reasons. “Shouldn’t it be something like Virgin?”

That makes Roman burst out laughing and Anxiety wants to sink into himself a little more. They hate it. They might not hate him but they do hate his name. He can’t blame them; he isn’t too fond of it either.

“Why is that so funny?” Thomas asks seriously and stares right at Roman.

“Ah, because… it’s not,” Roman says and folds in on himself.

“ _I_ think it is an awesome name,” Thomas says sincerely.

“It’s not what I anticipated but I do like it,” Logan chimes in.

“It’s different but I like that it’s different,” Patton reassures him.

“It was unexpected but it took a lot to trust us with that information, Virgil,” Roman acknowledges and there’s no humor in his voice anymore.

Perhaps, they don’t hate it. He’s actually glad that he told them. It was one of his defenses to be the only one still nameless. With it gone, maybe it will be easier to keep himself in check in the future.

“Huh… you can call me Verge,” he says.

“Well, this has been a day, learning to embrace all of whom I am, learning new things about myself. Thank you for opening up to us, Anxiety. Virgil. Verge for short,” Thomas says.

“Whatever. I’m at least glad I can offer some help, even if sometimes I can be hard to deal with,” Anxiety admits.

“In Thomas’ case, you’re indeed manageable,” Logan confirms.

“Yeah, and you’re nothing compared to the others,” Romans says and he slaps a hand over his mouth but it’s too late. The words are already out. The whole room falls silent.

The four sides exchange quick glances. They had agreed not to bring up the other sides of Thomas that doesn’t have physical manifestations of themselves.

“Others? What do you mean others? Well, this is foreboding,” Thomas says.

“Ah, it’s nothing. So long!” Roman brushes it off and sinks down before he opens his mouth again.

“Farewell!” Logan jumps on and sinks away as well.

“Auf wiedersehen, goodnight!” Patton sings and he sinks down.

Which leaves Anxiety as the last side standing. He has a distinct feeling the others actually all moved to give him and Thomas a moment of peace and that Roman’s slip of the tongue just provided the perfect opportunity.

“What was that all about?” Thomas asks him.

Anxiety sighs. “Look, I know I’m that is one causing you to be suspicious but honestly, table that question for another day.”

“Gotcha,” Thomas says surprisingly accepting his advice with ease. “And Virgil?”

“It’s really weird hearing you say that.”

“Honestly, thank you for all the good stuff that you _do_ provide. You can be a good guy,” Thomas says and it matter.

He isn’t always the bad guy. He can be the good guy too. He does a little hand salute and a quick smile before he sinks away. He stays near to hear Thomas finish the video, just watching over him.

How Thomas ever came to accept him when he was the embodiment of something as hindering as anxiety he won’t know. It might be because Logan was right and that he encompasses so much more than just anxiety, even if that is his dominant trait.

He thought complexity was reserved for the other guys but apparently; he really is a part of the group.

The wariness from all that interaction and anxiety as well as the lingering coldness from the darkness settle on his being and he retreats to his room after Thomas finished the video by providing his viewers with helpful phone numbers to reach out to if they struggle with Anxiety.

The thought makes Anixety smile as he gets back to his room. Thomas thinks he is manageable and he has the other three sides to keep him in check too. They do want him there.

He has taken place on the stairs, his favorite place and put on some headphones with his music. However, his attention is jerked away when he senses someone in his room. He looks up to find Logan holding one of the books from his table.

“I saw this when we were in here earlier, is this my Alice in Wonderland puzzle book?”

Yeah, he might have borrowed that at one time when he wanted a task to focus on to calm him down.

“Oh, yeah?” he says.

“I respected your privacy for this long. Please respect mine,” Logan requests but he doesn’t sound genuinely upset. Of course, upset looks different for someone who isn’t much for even acknowledging that they have the capability to feel.

“Okay,” Anxiety agrees and Logan sinks out.

He’s only just put his headphones back on when another presence comes into his room and he knows who this is without even turning around or hearing his voice. Roman has a certain energy that Anxiety unfortunately feels way too tied to.

“Greetings, friendo,” Roman says and the odd nickname that isn’t an insult for once is quite endearing.

“Yes?” he asks.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you had some very nifty posters back here,” Roman says while he’s eyes the posters he was stood in front of before.

“Argh, you probably already own a 101 Disney posters,” Anxiety counters because he can hear where Roman is going with that voice.

“Yeah, I do but me and these posters are _simply meant to be_ ,” Roman sings the last part but Anxiety isn’t budging that easily.

“You can’t have my sick nasty Tim Burton posters!”

“Ugh, fine!” Roman exclaims and sinks out.

When a third presence enters his room in as many minutes, Anxiety snaps. He’s tired and wants to rest and just listen to his music in peace without being disturbed.

“What?”

Of course, it’s Patton and Anxiety instantly feels bad snapping at the emotional side.

“Hey kiddo, not trying to bother you, I just made you a little something for the room,” Patton says and flings a piece of paper at him.

Anxiety almost doesn’t catch it, flailing around to make sure it doesn’t get on the floor. Patton brought him a gift?

“Hope to see you soon,” Patton says with a heartwarming smile before he sinks out.

Anxiety turns his back and flips open the drawing. It’s FAM on the front page and a drawing of the four of them on the inside as well as the words ILY.

“He never really was good at art,” Anxiety feels himself saying out lout but the words come out soft.

Patton made him a drawing and he sees him as part of the family. Roman genuinely apologized for all the taunts. Logan continuously reassured him how important he was for them as a whole. And Thomas isn’t better off without him.

Maybe things are looking up, he thinks with a little private smile as he traces his fingers over the drawing of the four of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I got several comments on the first story in this series to write more and here it finally is! (Sorry it took me well over a month to get around to writing and posting it - life is busy). I hope you liked this one. And I've now made them into a series, which mean I might write about some of the other Sanders Sides videos as well. There's a few of the past ones I'm thinking of doing and I'm sure there will be more and more wonderful videos from Thomas in the future. (I mean honestly the two parter on MOVING ON hit me so damn hard).
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one shot and whether you would be interested in seeing more in this style of writing? If so, I would recommend subscribing to the series this story is part of. 
> 
> Generally, just thank you so much for all the feedback on the other Sanders Sides story - I was genuinely overwhelmed. I've never written Sanders Sides before that one but I must confess that I really enjoy it and I might be considering developing a chaptered AU to go up in December (if I find the time). Did anyone read this far? Let me just drop a thank you for reading this story.


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